Breaking Barriers
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Author: Janet Lane The Magazine for Colorado Women Network |
They were stacked boldly on the floor, looking bigger than I had imagined them to be. The orderly piles of boards seemed out of place, belonging more at a construction site or lumber yard than here, at a seminar.
I stared at their edges, raw from the teeth of a sharp saw that had severed their strong fibers and cut them into 12-inch squares. "Can you do it?" my soul whispered, hopeful that such a timid thought wouldn't be sensed in this room full of positive thinkers.
Feeling observed, I turned and looked into Theresa's eyes. We had just met, yet as fellow seminar participants, we had a lot in common - especially right now, at this moment of risk and self-discovery! We silently acknowledged our mutual fear and returned our attention to the speakers as they continued to explain the method and mind-set required for success.
Like so many sponges, we soaked up their words and messages. "Yes!" we finally said in unison, "I'm ready."
We moved our chairs out of the way to make room for the board holders. My confidence vacillating, I picked up my board, reading again my greatest fear that I had scratched in pencil on its surface. "FAILURE," it cried from the face of the wood, and the word seemed to gain even more strength from its solid position on the sturdy wood.
It's an unnerving experience, pulling a deep fear from your heart and placing it in an external location where you can examine it. Tracing the letters on the wood with my fingers, I marveled that I was willing to share my deepest fear - even with myself. And now I would break the board...
We paused briefly for some mutual massage. As I let go of my tensions, it occurred to me that, even though each of us had her own unique fear to deal with, we all shared the common goal of overcoming fear - and that knowledge gave me strength.
We listened to some final suggestions about technique and attitude, and then we stood to practice. Just as my confidence peaked, however, I felt an urge to flee. When I couldn't come up with a logical reason, my body helped out by sending a strong biological signal. Feeling much like a little kid at school, I raised my hand and asked for permission to go to the bathroom.
After a short break, I returned and asked myself for the 10th time, "Are you ready?" I searched the other women's faces and saw excitement, enthusiasm and tension. Remarkable, though, was what I didn't see: I didn't see any fear. My mind swimming with certainty and uncertainty, confidence and doubt, thrill and caution, I recited the principles we had learned, cleansing my mind of the weak, the negative elements.
Walt was my holder and he held the board as I practiced my breathing and stance; I looked into his eyes and saw confidence and belief. Thoughts now crystallized and I said, "I'm ready." My voice sounded so calm, yet I was no longer amazed. I was ready.
Whoo! Whoo! Whoo! Adrenalin surged through my body, and I had never felt stronger before in my life than I did at that moment. Lunging forward with all of my mind and body, I extended my arm deliberately toward the board with conviction and faith. The air cracked with the sound of the board splitting in two, and I felt instantly aligned with the mental and physical world.
The following seconds were dream-like. I felt like I had been abruptly awakened from a deep sleep. Amazed, I looked at Walt's hands and saw my board, completely broken. I hadn't even felt it with my hands.
Theresa ran up and gave me a hug, and I hugged her back with naked joy. Then Amid the cracking sounds of other breaking boards, we shared the joy and euphoria of each woman's moment of triumph. Faces were flushed with excitement, invigoration and pure joy.
After a postbreaking discussion, I prepared to leave and found my board next to the chair in the corner. I picked it up lovingly; this piece of wood suddenly had become a symbolic part of my life's deepest loves and desires. As I left the seminar, I knew I would never part with it.
